Healing The Heartache From The Loss of a Beloved Pet
My tribute to Peanut, my angel, my baby, my old girl, my forever friend, and beloved companion.
01.09.2025 - One of the saddest days in my life. I said "until next time" to my beloved dog Peanut. The feelings of grief brought me into a state of disharmony. Feelings everywhere from sadness, anger, shock, regret, distraughtness, sorrow, fear, nausea, confusion, and tiredness yet energized. How do you process grief? You let grief run its course. You face it. Facing grief is the only healthy option. There is nowhere else to turn other than bad habits or coping mechanisms that delay the grieving process. You process grief by allowing it the time and the present moment, to run it's course.
My best friend, my companion, my daughter, my old girl. Belly rubs and treats. Twirls and lots of love. When we had nothing, we had each other. All we had at times were moments of presence and giving love to one another. I am so grateful that we have been divinely connected as guides for one another because you taught me so much, Peanut. You taught me how to respect animals and see them as spirits like us humans. Some humans actually remember their past lives where they were running low to the ground during lives where they had animal meat suits (lives). The importance of the animal and human kingdoms coming together and coexisting in this realm is extraordinary. I am so grateful to have had 9 years with such a happy, sweet, and smelly 4-legged teacher like you.
I know it was your time and that our cycle had completed. She brought me back to the apartments we shared our first home together in, and now our last. She died at the first vet she ever had and now her last. Peanut had powerful ways of speaking to me, from soul to soul. She began to develop health issues very early in her life. It started with teeth issues, then skin and coat, then allergies, eye issues, and then finally she passed with cancer. She had a mammary tumor open that could not be closed without her entire gland being removed in addition to other mammary glands becoming infected with small nodules as well. The doctor and vet office still mentioned how stinking cute and sweet she was even in her last moments in this realm as she was.
This is Peanut with her fur (faux) coat before we went out in the cold snow in Orchard Park, NY back in 2020. She was the runt of her litter, very small, and she would get cold outside during the winter seasons cuz she as just a little thang.
I slowly began to listen to the soft subtle voice of spirit showing me bits by bits that, Peanut may be transitioning soon. When I moved back into the apartments where I had originally brought her home, I knew a cycle was ending, and beginning again. I recently heard Peanut's voice in a dream for the first time ever, as she explained that she was in pain, she felt forgotten or like she had to hide all the time, and she demanded medication which I began her on immediately after that dream. There was another dream before this last one where she drowned and I saved her. I knew then she was fighting for her life. This is called "playing both sides of the fence" in mediumship which both humans and animals alike do during the transitioning process. One foot in their physical life and a step forward in their spiritual life forward. It's common when people who have loved ones in hospice, they will notice that their loved ones begin to see or talk to the other side as they transition. They are both here and there, on the fence. Dogs are guardians of the physical realm while cats are guardians of the spiritual realms. Your pets are brought to you at divine timing and for a higher purpose than meets the eye. Pets are known to sit on or touch their owners and draw out illnesses to save their owners the pain and suffering. Sometimes a pet will immediately puke, pee, or poo out the darkness that they extract, while other times the angelic work is too intense and they hold onto the illnesses as their own. Pets work closely with the angels, like lightworkers.
Peanut kept me safe from a lot of illness and spiritual attacks. I can remember a time when I just got home from sleeping in a hotel that had a lot of darkness, and she came and sat right on my feet, extracted the darkness that I had picked up, and immediately went and threw up what she pulled from me. Now that she has left me in the physical realm, I understand that I am now ready and able to protect myself and I must be mindful of who I allow coming into my physical space and which physical spaces I go into, as she symbolically showed me that there are current connections that I have that hold the frequency of cancer that I now must decide to let go of for the highest good. I am on my own, and ready, to make decisions to protect myself and live through more mindful decisions, becoming more grounded, more sober-minded, and more conscious of my energy and the energy around me. I've been initiated into the next level of Christ consciousness within my life. Thank you Peanut, thank you spirit.
Last fall in 2024, my angels stepped forward and showed me that if I keep sending Peanut healing, I may be preventing a natural order, and prolonging suffering. In other words, my angels stopped me and explained that it was time to let go. If I kept giving her healing she would only get a smidget better and I could never fully take out her illnesses completely, unlike for myself. Why? Because some illnesses are fated, they are meant to be, and for a higher purpose that was agreed upon before coming to the earthly releam. These divine orders, we must learn to respect and honor. Instead of blaming myself for not being able to heal her completely, my time with Peanut showed how powerful of a healer I actually am. I was able to save her from near-death experiences through healing sessions and I helped to remove a lot of her suffering. She taught me how to heal pets and how to work with animals. I did what I could until our sacred agreement time clock stood still, when it was her time. Peanut taught me how to let go and how to trust God, how to trust the divine order of life. She's teaching me how to grieve and how to help others grieve. She was ready. I was ready. These are important and sacred lessons to learn as a powerful human goddess. Understanding that there is a higher power and order that we all must surrender to, no matter how much we want or desire things that may not be in alignment with the universe. We work with the universe, not against it and the universe always knows what's best, while we may be clouded with rose-colored glasses leading us to hold onto things that are no longer for our highest good.
I have the gypsy archetype and so I have moved a lot over the past decade, meaning so has Peanut! Throughout all of our handfuls of moves, Peanut has met many other pet friends and I have to say that literally all of my friend's pets have LOVED and made friends with my old girl! Peanut made friends with dogs 3x her size (double XL pit bulls to mastiffs) and even cats! Peanut was a sweet girl, although she had aches and pains, she was so sweet, and loved by many. She let little girls play with her as if she were their little baby doll. I carried her in my purse a lot.
"Pea, I know it was your time. You fought for so long, until the end. Come back to me dear friend in another life, my dear. I'm learning to process grief. I feel no enthusiasm, no passion today, just gut-wrenching hurt, a sickening feeling. Remorse. What do I really have? What do I really want in life? I can't believe this! I want you back! I cry out. Life is so fragile. It's like there is breath one minute and then the heart stops in another second. I know you will come back around to me. I know you're in a better place as the world around me crumbles before my eyes, your safe and pure, while I'm here and heavy, still working in this realm in this character, with or without you."
Grief makes you feel helpless. It's like you can not control what happened or go back in time. Just left with the moment, the present moment. This moment I process my thoughts, my feelings, the memories, the impressions from spirit. It's just hard today, the loss. No weed. No wine. No cigarettes. Thankfully, I'm not at that place like I once was before. Now it's just me and the moment, my feelings, my emotions, my grief. I laid in bed all day. I fought the need to get up and clean because a part of me wanted to try and control something. I Facetimed a loving friend, and it helped greatly. I texted others for support. I couldn't escape that I was officially alone without anyone that I loved near me, at least not in my physical reality. Grief has phases and we toggle going back and forth between the stages, and back again. The stages of grief are "denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance." We go through these phases to help us to feel safe and to manage the stress, disharmony, and shock that comes from the loss of a loved one. Essentially we are out of congruency when we go through trauma. It's like our body says or wants one thing, while the mind says or wants another. Then you have your spirit which says and wants another thing. Healing comes through putting these pieces back together again into congruency with our body, mind, and spirit as one.
This is Peanut giving me lots of kisses before we said "so long..."
My heart began to change, it began to open, my heart grew stronger... thank you grief.
As I walked out of the vet office, alone, I walked through the cold snow. The winter storm bought Texas into a standstill, while I couldn't help but to notice how fast my life was moving forward. Noticing Texans taking pictures, in joy, of the rare occurrence but to me, the snow felt normal and joyless. I was angry because my moccasins got all wet and I needed to have worn my sorels. The cold bleak winter is something that I am very familiar with growing up in Western New York state. The vet is right across the street from my apartment, so I told myself, "just keep walking." I cried and didn't care who saw. I was confused. I was hurt. I got home and cried some more. I couldn't do anything but take the day one breath at a time. I noticed my mind was here and there and my emotions were not singular. My angels guided me to turn up the heat, change into comfy clothes, move my white candle into my bedroom by my bed, and just be. This is a part of the human experience we all must go through, no matter how spiritual you may be. Being under the covers with my mind and my heart. I allowed myself the time and respect to mourn. I allowed everything on my to-do list to wait while I took this time to be human. To process from disharmony back to congruency. I allowed my mind to heal and my heart to open to peace again. Flashbacks. I allowed myself to go back in time. When the doctor asked if I wanted to be with her when she died and I said I couldn't. So she was taken out of the room while I lost it. Tears poured down my face as I sobbed. The doctor came back in and said she passed. I stemmed. I asked over and over if her heart had really stopped. After it was explained to me maybe three times, I accepted that her heart stopped beating. I asked the doctor to check one more time just to be sure. This is how I grew to accept it. Repeating the truth, until I allowed it to be truth, until I believed it. Allowing the memories to play back for that I could process, to finalize, so that I could come to a place of understanding within my heart and mind. It helped. I was thankful for my bed, my home, the moment. My heart began to come back together again, although the tears still fell, and continue to.
This is Peanut as we stared into each other's eyes one final time in this realm, in these avatars. A moment that will replay for me when it is my time to transition in the future, I can see that now. I cherish that memory, that moment, more than any other monetary gain. I love you Peanut! Thank you so much Peanut! ღ
If you are grieving the loss of a pet or maybe it feels worse, maybe you are grieving the loss of a loved one like a parent, child, or friend. I have a message of hope for you today. Allow yourself time. Allow your self the present moment and to find in any way your understanding and acceptance of truth. Try not to run into unhealthy coping mechanisms like alcohol, drugs, or food. Some of you reading this may feel helpless or alone. Alone like there is literally no one that you have to come over and give you a hug or support physically. Come to terms with that this is for a higher purpose and that it is okay. It may not seem fair, but it is okay. Our challenges strengthen us in ways we may not be able to see currently but in the future when we look back we can see how dark times led to profound transformation and positive change. You are living through a human experience of loss, grief, and mourning and this is a part of our sacred agreements that we sign onto earth to have. Our loved ones who are no longer with us in this physical reality, are indeed with us in spirit. When we transition into the light there is no gender, no pain, just light and unconditional love, clarity, and peace. The light is the vibrational state and frequency of bliss, we often call this state heaven or nirvana. In this earthly realm, we can choose to live in the state of enlightenment or hell. When we are suffering or going through the loss of a loved one, it can feel like we are living through hell. Accept this state and know that it is only temporary. As you heal, you will transcend this temporary pain into a newfound state of heaven, eventually. When we lose someone that we love we have to keep going. That's all we are left with it feels like. We keep moving forward. WE keep living while it feels like our loved one has stopped living but that is not true. No one ever really dies. The spirit lives on, and on. We go back to being a part of all that is, which is God, which is the universe. When I work with spirits on the other side, they explain that they are now the air, the earth, they are a part of everything, similar to how we are now in the physical realm. In the physical realm, we have a separation, an identity, and this is on purpose because wow what an experience. What a learning and evolving experience. Life is all about relationships, community, and how we are a part of this larger whole.
Use mediumship to help you through the grieving process. It's truly through colonization that we as humans have forgotten this magical tool for healing and divine guidance and connection. When I got home from the vet's office, when I was able to stop my tears, I called my pal Peanut to me. Peanut arrived as an energy by my left ankle. She came and sat by my feet like she used to. She showed me a rainbow. She told me she was with her canine kingdom family and that she intended to come back as a cat, and into the feline kingdom. The night before she died, I ran into kittens on the side of the street and wondered what message of significance this was for me. I remember chatting with a friend back in October about wanting a cat. Interestingly enough this week that I write this tribute, astrologically the themes we were going through from October to November 2024 are now playing out. I am open to having a cat for the first time in my life. Maybe not now but in the near future, I pray and welcome Peanut's spirit back to me, and in any way she chooses to make her grand appearance. I will love her again and again. I will improve how I care for my next pet, thanks to the lessons I've learned through my time with Peanut. Peanut now appears to me as a sparkle of like purplish-blue- whitish light. She showed me a vision of her as a cat. She also told me that I would soon become a mother and that she was helping me and initiating me into motherhood. Like a real human baby, not a fur baby this time 🙂 I anticipate having a real baby and another fur baby soon LOL. Thank you Peanut.
Peanut is saying "You are listening..." I love this message because it means I'm divinely aligning and listening to the guidance of my spirit, of the divine. Peanut and all of our loved ones who have transitioned are okay, dear one, trust this. Peanut is also telling me from the other side to "dance" which has been a message from my angels as of lately as well. Communicate with your loved ones on the other side and experience the truth for yourself. Don't know how? I can teach you. Feel like you can't or that it's a gift? I can help you to break these myths and realign with truth and your divine human-spirit nature. Mediumship really helps us to heal and especially when we are grieving because when we experience the truth ourselves whether this be through clairvoyance or clairaudience, we understand that our loved ones are no longer suffering and that it's just us now suffering. We begin to appreciate our relationships as in that they are cyclical and never end. Love never ends. Love always comes back to us. Love is always with us. Love always guides us. It's time for us to move forward and be appreciative of the lessons and love we experienced with our transitioned loved ones. Know that your loved one chose their transition, life was not robbed from them, it was divinely upgraded, and by their choice. Use mediumship to allow you to put these pieces back together again. Let spirit guide you to higher grounds. Choose peace and carry out your missions. Connect when you need to know you are not alone and that your loved one is still with you in spirit. Wow now you have another warrior on the other side rooting for you, protecting and guiding you- that is a gift. Ascend. Understand that this life is short, it's brief, soon you will become one in the air in the earth with all that is and your loved one on the other side. Use this pain as fuel. It can be helpful to focus on how can you be of service to the light and help others who may be suffering more than you. Once you feel better get focused on what is important within your heart and your mission for why you came to earth. Live. Live freely. Connect often with your loved on on the other side. Share. Share your story, get it out. Your testimony can be a light for someone else which can in return be healing and rewarding for you in ways you never imagined.
Peace and light beams.
This is a remembrance alter for my beloved grandma, Mimi. If you are healing from the loss of a loved one creating an altar is a great way to remember, honor, and communicate with those whom we love, miss, and still appreciate their guiding light. I now am preparing a special altar for my old girl Peanut.
Peanut always had some sort of baby doll. This is her more recent baby, Mr lamb chop. Peanut was a lamb chop! I have her toy wrapped in my Mimi's blanket that I keep on my bed now. Peanut liked to be buried under blankets, she was so tiny it helped her feel safe.
This is Peanut with my mom's dog Bentley. She was saying "I love you one final time." Bentley was in pain, Peanut came to show love and healing.
This is Peanut with my aunt who doesn't even really like dogs. My aunt was going through a hard time and Peanut came to give her love and healing. Thank you to my aunt who always opened her door to me and my girl.
This is Peanut with my cousin. Everybody loved my stinky girl! Peanut LOVED her bones and her belly rubbed, omg.
Grief Day 2. 01.10.2025 - This was a better day. I woke up and cried that Peanut wasn't wagging her tail to come to say hello and that she loved me like she did every morning. I knew that once I cried it out I could communicate with her on the other side better. My heart and brain felt more coherent but yet it wasn't. I began to replay everything I did wrong leading to her passing. I feed her food outside of her diet and remember the day her body reacted immediately. From there it was a downward slope. I am to blame. I made an unconscious choice in how I fed her and now she is gone.
Remorse and regret can be part of the grieving process. In my heart, I know that it was her time and that I had spent countless times sending her healing and that I did always try to prioritize healthy holistic foods for her. If you're reading this and didn't know, I have clients who have hired me to communicate with their pets alive and deceased ranging from cats and dogs to horses and sheep. Peanut had recently begun to communicate with me through dreams and signs in a different way than she had ever before. I'd explain it like when I would try to telepathically communicate with her I would get small impressions or through a knowing what she was saying to me. But as of recently, I had heard her voice for the first time and it was actually shocking because she sounded like a female human and her voice did not match what I had felt for her. I love her voice.
Regardless, day two of my grief was all about how I messed up. How I could have done better. How I should have remained more grounded and conscious with my caretaking. I think this whole process is making me a better medium because now I can somewhat feel for those who have lost loved ones (human friends and family) and feel guilt. I could only imagine how parents who have lost children to suicide or in any capacity how the dark spirit of guilt may haunt them. It's just part of the process of healing grief. It wasn't our fault. Everything in life, specifically birth and renewal, is all by sacred agreement. Guilt only delays the process of healing. Don't blame yourself.
This is what I'm currently learning, how to not blame myself and to own my decisions, seeing my decisions as a small part of a larger whole, a bigger picture. She taught me so much.
I feel hope. I know energetics. I know now something great is in store for me and blessings beyond what I can imagine right now will come to fill this void. I do look forward to that. My health is something that I vow to refine, how I take care of myself. I vow to become a better healer. One of my missions is to become a healer that helps those who are unable to walk to be able to walk and also I want to be able to help remove cancer energetically. I vow to keep elevating my consciousness, expanding my skill set, and will always remember where I came from to have these missions placed on my heart to begin with. This is fuel to my fire that right now I feel weak but will soon be ready to step further into this flame of healing capability. I have helped others to eliminate pain and clear illnesses. I have already worked with a few clients with cancer and have helped them to improve. I will keep learning and growing. For my Mimi and my Peanut, for my maternal grandparents.
If you're reading this and your pet has health issues, your not alone. In the paragraphs above I detailed how recently I had more pet reading inquiries and noticed a shift with animals on earth. The foods we eat are poisonous but so are the foods we feed our pets. Enough is enough. I am not a vet but perhaps consider looking into raw, organic, or whole foods for your fur baby. I know that multivitamins and supplements can be added to holistic diets as well.
My day 2 of grief I felt a bit angry. Angry at myself and at the world. Angry at the matrix, the systems that govern us and feed us. All of this right now while the world is crumbling. Peanut doesn't have to deal with Trumpus but what does this mean for me? LOL
Ughh grief. I give myself mercy and grace.
Grief Day 3. 01.11.2025 - More memories came back to me today. They showed me various steps throughout Peanut's life where I could have made different choices and improved her care. Peanut continues to work with me from the other side, making me giggle here and there, at the cute memories of some of the little moves she would make. I pulled her hair from her blanket into a little bundle and placed it into a jar, so that I could have a keepsake of her. I thought this was crazy but it brought me peace. I now have a piece of her that will live with me. I haven't been really alone like this, companion-less since I broke up with my ex back when I was 21 years old. I washed her blankets. As I lay in bed sad, I contemplated if I should reschedule my reading for tomorrow. My spirit said no. I could only imagine now at this point how much harder it must be for the family I was going to read the next day who was grieving the loss of an actual human loved one.
I would find out that grief actually made me a better medium. I love what I do. Going into the higher dimensions for an extended time, away from this cold world, and into the peace of the light has become a healthy habit of joy and service that helps me to put myself to the side and be of service to the higher power. I now have Peanut on the other side to help me translate the light. Thank you Peanut.
Grief Day 5. 01.13.2025 - Nightmares. It's common for us to receive nightmares when we are grieving and specifically nightmares about our deceased loved ones. This is how our subconscious works through loss and trauma. Last night, I woke up very startled as I saw Peanut in what I'd call an "animal hell." I found her tied to a post with another struggling dog and a dead cat that was puffed like a puffer fish. The other dog she was with ran up to me for help as this dog was tied with a metal chain to the post and the metal had a sharp electricity running through it. I said, "I will save you too." Peanut cried as I removed the string that was attached to her leg and the post. I scooped her into my arms and told her I would never let her go.
Regret. Greif leaves us with an array of emotions, often up and down emotions, until we come into alignment with truth in some sort of closure. Usually, time helps. In the middle of the night, I asked out loud and within my heart, "Peanut, are you okay?!" As if I didn't already know she was well, in the light, safe, and in peace, as she had already told me from the other side. I woke up so upset, so sacred. Was she trapped in some sort of animal hell, tied to a post in the snow with other animals? Was she still alive, held with other animals for cloning purposes, or some sick elite soul-harvesting experiment? I knew she was not, yet my mind felt fear. I was disturbed. I feel let down by myself for having this sort of nightmare. I know it was her time, so why punish myself like this? It felt so real. Her soft fur to my chin as I held her tight.
This nightmare was a step on my healing journey that showed me subconsciously, that I feel regret and to blame for not "saving" Peanut. I have to come to peace with that she is not in hell, and to no fear her transition. I am learning to let go of blame for feeding her toxic food, an unconscious decision that I deeply regret. I feel like crap today. My group reading yesterday went really well and made me very proud; however, I still feel sad. Looking into the eyes of grief. Raw and emotional. Way more tears today than yesterday but I feel better once my tears are out. Everyone's grief patterns are different. This too shall pass. We can't avoid the grief that comes from the loss of a loved one. We just have to face it, process it, and slowly learn to move on and forward. It's the human part of this experience. Allowing yourself to forget for moments, that spirits in the light are in peace and that it is only us who suffer with the loss of their physical absence.
01.17.2025 - I understand grief better today. Death and rebirth are feminine energy. It flows. It can not be stopped. It is regenerative. The feminine is slow with her actions. Death can not be stopped. Death must be so that new cycles can begin. I've recently stepped into radical acceptance for what is and for what I can not control. I believe we are here to create and manifest however there are laws and the universe steps in and allows things that we can not control and we shouldn't try to control it. Let it be.
Many healers are attracted to sick pets and animals. Many of us have had pets that have struggled with health issues, this is common. This aids in the consistent attack against a healer's reputation or abilities to heal. It's just a part of the journey. We can't save or heal everyone or everything. Some things just are. It was Peanut's time and I've accepted this. Finally, I feel more peace with her passing.
Peanut's blanket is still on the floor in the corner of my bedroom. It's like she is still physically there with me. I still have her little toy wrapped in my Mimis blanket. I feel more at peace.
When the universe takes something that is material from us it may in the moment seems as if this is a negative experience. I keep getting this repeated message lately that I must learn to declare that everything is for the positive, even the negative. When the universe takes the material from us it teaches us lessons to not hold onto temporary material things and to reconnect with what or where we find true value, which is in spirit. The eternal spirit.
When spirit takes the material from us we get it back usually in very positive ways often as upgrades or in ways that we could have never imagined. Learning lessons on letting go and embracing change makes us more fluid, more feminine, and more in the flow state.
I trust and surrender to death and rebirth cycles. I honor my grief. I honor these sacred past few days. Many do not immediately see their loved ones who recently passed in their dreams or as visits right away. It takes many months of healing before they receive visitations. How lucky am I to be able to connect with my little num nut right away! I'm okay with this. This death and rebirth. I'm actually happy that Peanut is no longer in pain and I'm excited to see what beautiful gifts of prosperity the universe fills this void with. I'm ready spirit. Thank you to everyone who read and followed this article, my way of grieving. I think I will be okay to conclude this article now.
Forever love,
Jordan